Saturday the 23rd of Febuary

This day is one of the most tragic in my life, it was my girls b day, and her friends who are great planned a surprise dinner party for her, nice thing to do , all was well until the night came to an end when we began to talk then argue about something that I cannot remember. We broke up and she said the most vicious and cruel things too me. I was not good enough for her, and I did not dress well enough, and she was embarrassed to take me places for that. I am a professional that wears a shirt and tie for 55-60 hrs a week, when I don't have to wear one I wear comfy clothes, jeans, sweater just to name a few. I had not been in a serious relationship for a long time and she was the one, I could see the future in her eyes, now all I have left is the pieces of myself to pick up, the thoughts that race through my head are scary and dark, I feel trapped and afraid. I lost a big part of myself that day and I think she could care less, after all she got a 50 inch flat screen for a gift and she refused to give it back, but a gift is a gift so she can have it. This day is one that still paralyses me and makes me wonder if all this is worth it and if I should just eat a gun, but I am strong and I will not do that..... but if I do it is my fault, and well that is that.