Dark days ahead

I know this sounds imature and stupid, but I have to say that my heart is broken and I feel so awful and alone. I have lost the spark that keeps me going, I miss the smell of her hair, the smile and laugh, but most of all I miss everything about her. I see darkness with no more left in me to fight for.

Saturday the 23rd of Febuary

This day is one of the most tragic in my life, it was my girls b day, and her friends who are great planned a surprise dinner party for her, nice thing to do , all was well until the night came to an end when we began to talk then argue about something that I cannot remember. We broke up and she said the most vicious and cruel things too me. I was not good enough for her, and I did not dress well enough, and she was embarrassed to take me places for that. I am a professional that wears a shirt and tie for 55-60 hrs a week, when I don't have to wear one I wear comfy clothes, jeans, sweater just to name a few. I had not been in a serious relationship for a long time and she was the one, I could see the future in her eyes, now all I have left is the pieces of myself to pick up, the thoughts that race through my head are scary and dark, I feel trapped and afraid. I lost a big part of myself that day and I think she could care less, after all she got a 50 inch flat screen for a gift and she refused to give it back, but a gift is a gift so she can have it. This day is one that still paralyses me and makes me wonder if all this is worth it and if I should just eat a gun, but I am strong and I will not do that..... but if I do it is my fault, and well that is that.